Wednesday, May 22, 2002
Okay, back from my little tantrum. Why does this kid provoke me in such a way? He makes me so fucking angry sometimes. It's like he doesn't know me at all. If you see that I am quick on the phone with you, or that I am being kind of a dick, then maybe you stop for a minute, consider my actions over the last two and a half years, and understand that I am hurt by you. Not angry. Not out for revenge. Just plain hurt.
Paul hasn't called for just about a week. (we are one day away from that) I have called him. I even sent him a fucking letter in the mail, which we NEVER do. He never called to say thank you, he never called to see if I was alright, he never even called to talk about the vacation. Last we spoke, I told him that we could talk about the trip during our next big conversation. WELL...I guess now is that next big convo. GOD! He can be so vile sometimes. The feelings that he causes in my heart are so unacceptable. He makes me want to drop him on his ass. And hard. I am not saying that this is the mature way to deal with it or that I even want to do that at this point, but conversations like we just had prove to me that:
a) You ain't moving here, cuz even long distance you don't miss me enough to care.
b) You are a fucking moron that has just about NO social interaction comprehension.
c) You are a lot of fucking work and in a lot of ways, don't give me nearly enough good to compensate for it.
Damn. Damn damn damn. Why do I ALWAYS give him the benefit of the doubt? Why do I always develop that pit in my stomach that misses him so deeply?? Why? WHY? why? :(
God...I just love him so much and he just puts me through the ringer over and over and over and over...
and I always come back for more and more and more and more...
MAN.
Love aint easy...and what's even harder is being in love with an idiot.
I actually called him back after our fight, cuz I hate leaving things bad. (even though I was the one that hung up on him---hee)
So I call him back and I am like: "Do you want to talk for a couple of minutes?"
He says: "Yes, but I am in the store. I will call you when I get out."
It has been about 45 minutes since that call and no sign of him. DICK! I don't take 4 hour lunches!
Fine. If he doesn't call me than sobeit.
He can deal with Mariah moving out on his own. He can deal with his surgery pain on his own. He can deal with his sadsap lonliness on his own. And you know what....keep this up Paul...and you can drive all the way here in your fucking UHAUL next week and you can call me and call me....but I won't show up at Mariah's until you are gone.
Hurt me again fucker. Hurt me and then deal with the fact that you just keep pushing me away.
:(
Paul hasn't called for just about a week. (we are one day away from that) I have called him. I even sent him a fucking letter in the mail, which we NEVER do. He never called to say thank you, he never called to see if I was alright, he never even called to talk about the vacation. Last we spoke, I told him that we could talk about the trip during our next big conversation. WELL...I guess now is that next big convo. GOD! He can be so vile sometimes. The feelings that he causes in my heart are so unacceptable. He makes me want to drop him on his ass. And hard. I am not saying that this is the mature way to deal with it or that I even want to do that at this point, but conversations like we just had prove to me that:
a) You ain't moving here, cuz even long distance you don't miss me enough to care.
b) You are a fucking moron that has just about NO social interaction comprehension.
c) You are a lot of fucking work and in a lot of ways, don't give me nearly enough good to compensate for it.
Damn. Damn damn damn. Why do I ALWAYS give him the benefit of the doubt? Why do I always develop that pit in my stomach that misses him so deeply?? Why? WHY? why? :(
God...I just love him so much and he just puts me through the ringer over and over and over and over...
and I always come back for more and more and more and more...
MAN.
Love aint easy...and what's even harder is being in love with an idiot.
I actually called him back after our fight, cuz I hate leaving things bad. (even though I was the one that hung up on him---hee)
So I call him back and I am like: "Do you want to talk for a couple of minutes?"
He says: "Yes, but I am in the store. I will call you when I get out."
It has been about 45 minutes since that call and no sign of him. DICK! I don't take 4 hour lunches!
Fine. If he doesn't call me than sobeit.
He can deal with Mariah moving out on his own. He can deal with his surgery pain on his own. He can deal with his sadsap lonliness on his own. And you know what....keep this up Paul...and you can drive all the way here in your fucking UHAUL next week and you can call me and call me....but I won't show up at Mariah's until you are gone.
Hurt me again fucker. Hurt me and then deal with the fact that you just keep pushing me away.
:(
